theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
