I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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