I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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