He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
