there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize