Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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