after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize