I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
