Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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