"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
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