She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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