someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
