suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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