Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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