We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
