tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
