I wanna passion pit in your ass
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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