you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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