I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
