White coat. Heels.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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