You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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