You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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