420 ftw
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
