i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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