So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I intend to get homeless drunk
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Randomize
