Farmville is her only friend.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize