see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
