In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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