Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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