we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Randomize
