I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
