dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
