Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
