are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
