would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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