He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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