i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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