I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
