It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
