My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
