Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
