Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
