you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
