If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
