Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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