i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
