So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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