Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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