the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
