so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
