i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
