I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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