This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
