He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He better not be in your backpack
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The Olympian is in my bed
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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