Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
jump out the window naked night went bad
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
