i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
