I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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