do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize