Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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