why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Randomize
