Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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