Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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