thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
