like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
