The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
