After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
