shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
