someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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