Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
