Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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