dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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