drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
