Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize