i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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