Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
the day after is always just damage control
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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