so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
