3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Randomize
