You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
