Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
