hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
