My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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