I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
