I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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