did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
