conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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