Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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