I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Please don't give away my fajitas
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize