Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
