he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
