just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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