I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
