Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
