How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
