I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
