I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
