haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
