Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
