I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
