she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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