So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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