Your face is a jimmy john
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
