Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize