My sheets look like a crime scene.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
