Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
