Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
