so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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