I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
