our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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