Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
