You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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